London Layover

Well it is about 2pm London time and I am sitting surrounded by hundreds of people going this way at that, many seemingly oblivious to anything but their mission to get to their next flight. With about 2 hours of sleep under my belt I am sipping what may be my last Starbuck’s Peppermint White Mocha for a long time. I am trying to wrap my head around the idea of me spending the next year in Africa. Sometimes I wonder do I know what I am getting myself into and in all honesty for the most part the answer is no. I chuckle to myself and say, “Well God, I may not know what I am getting myself into but you certainly do.” It is quite obvious that God has orchestrated all the events leading up to this very moment. Before the foundations of the earth were laid he knew I would be at this very place. For so long I had believed that this dream of serving orphans internationally was nothing more than that, a dream. I foolishly believed that I missed my chance long ago and at the ripe age of 30 I was beyond my prime for serving God in any significant way. But you know over the past 3 years God has been correcting my distorted perspective. I realized that all of the sufferings and trials that I have walked through in the past 9 years or so has been molding me into a more effective instrument. In my pride I said to God, “I am not good enough, what can I do? “ But God graciously showed me the error in my thinking. You see just as an instrument can do nothing unless being used by the musician so we cannot produce a beautiful sound of praise and glory to our Savior unless we allow ourselves to be “played.” I recently went to a violin concerto and before the violinists play their masterpiece they must tune their tool, the violin. Making adjustments, tightening and loosening strings and even replacing them when they break. This must be done on a regular basis for the instrument to remain sounding beautiful and so that the musicians skill may be effectively displayed. Anyway, I hope that makes sense. Something else I have learned or am learning rather, is that God calls me to be content in all circumstances. I had a hard time with this thought at first and said no Lord, that is too much to ask…that is impossible. But again I was wrong. I realized the reason I was thinking it was impossible was because I was looking at the actual circumstances instead of what the source of my contentment must be, God. If my contentment, joy and strength are found in the Lord then I have nothing to worry about. He has an endless supply of all I need, the hard part is releasing the illusion of control I think I can have. Something so simple that is so hard. I am certain that part of the reason God is placing me in Zambia is to build my reliance on Him. He is putting me in a situation where I feel very inadequate. The good part is that this will “force” me into turning to Him on a daily basis for strength to do what he has called me to do. I am thankful for this even though it scares me a bit. How stupid is has been of me to think that I can handle things on my own and just pull myself up by my bootstraps. God is about a work in my heart that started this past summer, tuning those strings and replacing the broken ones. It’s been a painful adjustment but a much needed adjustment.

And the instrument does not always know what song it will be playing but it can be confident that it will be a beautiful song if it surrenders itself to the control of its master. Lord may my life be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.